Helper's Dilemma: How Not to Fall Into the Trap of Your Big Heart

In a world that celebrates kindness and generosity, being helpful and having a big heart is a beautiful trait. But let’s be honest—sometimes it sucks. Especially when your good intentions are met with ghosting, entitlement, or a blank stare.

So what are the challenges generous souls face? And how do we protect our time, energy, and worth—without turning cold or bitter?

Offering Free Services - the Tragicomedy of Generosity and Freebies

I came across an interview in Business Insider with Ramit Sethi, financial coach and bestselling author, who spilled a truth most givers learn the hard way: people don’t value what they get for free. Ramit shared how, in his early days, he offered friends free access to his premium courses. Want to guess how many actually used them? Exactly. It’s the classic tale—free often equals forgotten.

I still hear the echo of my coaching mentors: “Never coach for free. At least ask for a book.”

But of course, I didn’t listen. Like many new coaches, I handed out free sessions with an open heart. What I got back? No-shows, reschedules, and people treating a transformational space like a casual coffee chat. It’s not that generosity is the problem. It’s that unboundaried generosity often turns into self-betrayal.

Unleashing the Power of Kindness without Losing Your Way

Jay Shetty says that what you give to the world will come back to you—but not always from where you expect. That’s the comforting part. But let’s be clear: there’s a difference between giving love freely and giving your skills, time, and life force to people who don’t respect the gift. Generosity without discernment becomes a leak. And eventually, even the kindest soul burns out.

Picture This… You’re the captain of the SS Generosity, sailing across a wide sea of requests, questions, and “can I pick your brain?” pings. Your compass? Discernment.

You scan the horizon: Is this someone who shows up, says thank you, and values your time?Or are they a recurring guest at the All-You-Can-Eat Freebie Buffet?

But before you raise the drawbridge, pause and ask yourself: Why am I so willing to give?

Sometimes, generosity comes from the most beautiful place—empathy.We offer help because we know how it feels to be stuck, unseen, without resources. We give because we remember the people who reached for us when we had nothing.

Other times, though? We overgive to prove our worth. To feel needed. To avoid rejection. To compensate for an unhealed wound.And that’s the real check-in point:Are you giving from a place of overflow—or from a place of depletion masked as “being nice”?

True generosity includes you. It honors your energy.And it invites exchange—not always financial, but always energetic. Support, time, gratitude, effort—there are many currencies. But no one gets to withdraw endlessly from your account without making a deposit.

So what to do when people ask for your help for free?

Every hour you spend on someone else’s dream is one you don’t spend on your own. Before you say yes, ask yourself: Does this light me up? Does it honor my worth? NIs this an equal exchange—or a soul drain in disguise?

If your body says no, listen. That’s your inner compass steering you home.

You can still be kind. You can still be generous.But do it with clarity. With intention. With standards. Set boundaries like a seasoned ringmaster closing the show:“The freebie tent is closed, darling. But here’s where you can book a seat for the main act.”

Protect your time like it’s sacred—because it is.And don’t apologize for valuing yourself. Ever.

“You have to love and respect yourself enough to not let people use and abuse you. You have to set boundaries and keep them, let people clearly know how you won’t tolerate to be treated, and let them know how you expect to be treated.”

- Jeanette Coron