Being Heard - Not Listened To, Understood - Not Paraphrased, Asked - Not Judged

One thing I’ve realized on my journey as a coach? There’s a massive difference between someone hearing you... and someone actually holding space for you. Between someone replying with “ah yes, that happened to me too” and someone staying curious about you.

But this isn’t just about coaching.This is about life.Friendships. Relationships. Parenting. Teams. The truth is: we all want the same thing.

In a world of noise, silence becomes a superpower. We’re overstimulated. Our brains are fried.We're supposed to care about someone’s emotional meltdown, world conflict, climate doom, and what a TikTok spiritual guru says about kale… all before lunch.

No wonder everyone’s talking louder. Trying harder. Scrolling deeper. We’re starved for connection—and social media is often the junk food pretending to feed it.

(Watch The Social Dilemma if you want to see the beast for what it is. It’s not just about tech—it’s about the mental and emotional noise we’ve normalized.)

So what does real listening feel like?

It’s not parroting someone’s words back. It’s not nodding while mentally writing your to-do list. It’s being fully present. Like, fully there.

Listening means:

• Holding space without rushing to respond

• Asking questions because you care, not because you’re planning your comeback

• Staying with the silence, the tears, the pause

• Letting someone empty the damn bucket without jumping in to clean it up for them

I’m still learning. I still get it wrong sometimes. But I’ve seen how powerful it is when someone finally feels heard. Not diagnosed. Not dissected. Just… received.

And when you feel that? You stop settling for surface conversations. You start demanding presence, not performance. You crave people who aren’t afraid to witness the whole of you.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

 - Maya Angelou

Want to be a better listener?

Here’s what helps me (and might help you too):

Create a safe space

 That means no judgment, no phone-checking, no “quick fixes.” Just presence.

Ask open-ended questions

“Tell me more” is your new best friend. Avoid “Why did you…?”—that’s often a trap.

Practice empathy

Don’t just understand. Feel what it’s like to be them for a moment.

Avoid interrupting

Let them finish. (I know, sometimes it's super hard!) Let them breathe. Let them feel heard.

Stay present

Body language speaks louder than words. Let yours say: “I’m right here with you.”

There’s something deeply human—almost sacred—about offering someone your full presence. No judgment. Just curiosity and care. When you feel that kind of connection, it ruins you (in the best way) for anything less.

And if you’re the one not being heard?

Say it. Kindly but clearly.“I’m sharing this because I want to feel heard—not judged.”

“I’m not looking for a solution, I just need space.”

Set the boundary. And if someone still refuses to listen—well, maybe they don’t deserve that kind of access to your truth.

If you own this story you get to write the ending. And if you're in that story and you don't like how it looks, you can change it.

- Brené Brow

You matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters.

Let's talk - book a free session with me